It was kinda sad when I realised, yes, I was right. And I do not mean that in the sense that I am clever, or that I have foresight. But I just know that my head and head tells me the same thing as it did a number of years back. Things are different, there has been progress – but so many of the elements that I always saw still exist.
But it is also OK. I know that when I was in a spin, I think my mind just took me back to that. And now, with a clearer mind I can see that, actually, even if progress has been made – and it has – it just doesn’t fit me.
A friend left me a voice message the other day and they said exactly the same. Another friend who I lost contact with also backed me and said that my experience is exactly what she saw – even if it contrasts how others perceive it.
I’ve asked, and it is OK to write something they said. They told me that a person had finished mowing the lawn, wiped their armpits and wiped it on her face. God, I felt sick. But I was not shocked. It aligns with things I saw and experienced, some of it worse.
I wasn’t going mad.
Now I have so many decisions to make. All of them just accepting that letting go is safer and better for me than battling to be heard, seen or any other battle that I can just walk away from for my own peace. If people are so determined to take actions that they know are to cause pain – it just reminds me of the thoughts I had when I was younger.
“OK, if that is what they want, I choose peace instead”.
And again, for me, it comes down to an offer that maybe feels like peace.
Peace ✌️