I’m a Capricorn. Our first thought is – how can I make even more money? For example, when I was travelling a lot across the South, in my head I had an idea to set up a parcel drop off service that would link across my routes. Take parcels from one place that need to be delivered to one or more other places along my route. I didn’t do it for a few non-logical reasons, but that is how my brain has always worked.
“This is good, but what can I add to it to make more money”. considering I could claim back petrol on receipts and more, it made some sense. Let’s say I could charge a flat £10 per parcel, and I did 20 in a day I was already on the road earning money.
That is around 1400 extra per month for only a slight uptick in work (I think I worked out around 12 hours as I was already moving location to location).
I’ve always had this weird mind where out of nowhere an idea will form. I will sometimes wake up with that idea and then just bookmark it. I recently reached out to a very old friend, we used to support the AV admin team officially – and I had not spoken to them for ages. During our conversation they reminded me of an idea I had back in 2002. I always remembered it – but never mentioned it again – because other people also had that idea and launched it in 2013.
Honestly, back then I didn’t believe in myself at all. Believing in myself took me a long time to understand, around the age of 30.
So, I was thinking about money today. I have a lot recently. I think I have come up with something that could be unique. I’ve done this so much, helped build things. Here’s the thing – I was earning good money and I never really got greedy, but in 2024 I went from earning enough from a wage to not even have to worry about checking my account – to having to put aside 20p just incase I needed it.
Getting out of that was hard. I’ll be brutal, I was homeless, had no ID, money was locked away behind a secure service for investments. I couldn’t prove my identity, access banks, had no address and nothing. And where things really affected me was from my past – things I had been clever with as a f*ck you, became a weight around my shoulders.
A long time ago I discovered some people had – at addresses not mine – taken out a few loans and cards. I battled this and gave as much evidence as I could and it failed, and the people who did this had again impacted on my life. I almost wanted to give up – but I woke up the next day and somehow an idea had formed in my mind.
Take 10% of the money I earn (from £2,000 to upwards of £4,200 a month across time) and use investment apps. Leave that money to grow into profits. Arrange a payment plan and then when the investments came off (which would be semi-regular) pay using those profits. This way, the people who did this to me are not winning. I don’t pay it off (profits do) and I win.
Until I didn’t. Here’s where the troubles affected me in ways nobody could ever have known. And I am at fault for that too, maybe it would have been easier to explain what had been done to me. But I always coped and overcome and worked hard to make sure I will win.
2024 was not just about losing everything, my job, clothes, my identity, my career and so so much more.
It also took away my win. I was getting so close to my idea paying off with it being over – so so close – close to a victory over those who did this and to a system that told me to pay up. And then it was all gone, taken away and instead of being the end of a road, it all came back 10x worse. And at this point I was lucky to have £400 in my account each month.
And so, here I am. No blame, no shade thrown. I am not at a point where I just accept it as something that happened and instead of feeling like I let myself down, let others down, let the world down, I have come to a point where I have started thinking about what I can do, rather than what I can’t. I’ve looked at things so deeply and with all my experience. I have looked at even the possibility of owning a house if all of this works as it should. The only thing that can stop this is me, and I am not willing to let myself down again.
Time to reclaim my victory.
Ready?
**In the three days since I wrote this, I have already had 6 more ideas pop into my head. I’ve also hadwo songs, four poems, one spoken word piece, and so much more. I have never opened up about this because it is overwhelming to have so much land in my head. This is the only time I have ever made it public, and it is here, online, forever**
And I have had this all happen since I was maybe 6, or 7. I used to tell my elderly next door neighbour about these ideas and all of the songs and rhymes and more. I would then go to the library, alone, and read books to see if my ideas worked. Adult section (not THAT adult section) books at the age of 7. I hate it, I always have.
Holding full conversations with adults when I was a child. Only for people to feel jealous and insecure, and instead of being encouraged. I was punished. I know I am not normal, it goes beyond just ideas. Somebody I have known for a long time had visa issues and I had to pretend that the suggestions I sent to them came from a book. Because when it helped them with an appeal it felt too scary admit I just thought about it and used logic.
I am flawed.
I am weird, and strange, and odd and different, and now I am ready to just accept that.